The first time I paid any attention to the following proverb was in the context of parenting… “The first to state his case seems right, until his opponent begins to cross-examine him”.
You know the drill, you question your child about something that’s just happened and you go marching off to nab the other child – the guilty one. But then the one deemed guilty objects to their impending fate and you start to doubt that you’d heard all the facts previously.
So you ask a few more questions.
Child 2 gets drilled and all of a sudden child 1 is the one that’s in for it. And then they metre out a few more details and something like a better picture starts to emerge where finally you see each is telling the facts that favour themselves casting responsibility at the other.
And so, eventually, you arrive at the whole story.
Maybe.
Worse is when there’s an issue between your child and another not in your family. Instinct declares the innocence of your own… a bit of experience will add some caution to the mix. A bit more experience is likely to have your heart in your boots in the expectation this beaming shining cherub you love is likely to at least share in the responsibility.
But the proverb…
It of course doesn’t only apply to kids… Most clear is in legal type movies where the person on the stand is entirely believable until the opposing lawyer starts to extract more facts and inconsistencies.
But it applies to everything we hear, read, see. To any information or type of persuasion. To advertising, politics, faith, life, conflict and just plain old perception.
Usually, almost always I’d venture to say, what we’re told is not all there is.
A great list of things to think through as far as unscrambling kids issues is this:
* Age
* Context
* Frequency
* Characterization and
* The need for balance.
(Courtesy of the Ezzo’s).
A great bit of advice as far as perception goes is this – “See then that ye walk circumspectly”. Love that strange old word. Circumspectly. From the same base word as circumnavigate. A circle. As in – get all around it. Inspect it. Look at it from all sides and angles. Carefully. Inspecting.
To consider all things carefully and from all angles. Getting a 360 degree view. A complete view. A big picture view.
“The first to state his case seems right, until his opponent begins to cross-examine him”.