We all have stock-standard jokes. Lines. Go-to stories. Our family has sat around the dinner table many a night as our kids have grown up and worked in various service areas – shops and cafes – and customers have a surprisingly short list of comments – of which I sadly am one. So when we think we’re being funny and amusing to the waitress, or the young man at Bunnings – unless it’s their first day on the job, your remark is unlikely to be their first hearing. (“No price tag? Oh it must be free then”. Go on – admit it. You know you’ve said it).
And when you meet someone with a large family – which today can be anything beyond two – they’ll have heard all the quips and lines before.
“Don’t you have a TV?”
“Are they all from the same father?”
“You must be so patient”
“Are you Catholic?”
… and the real killer – “Don’t you know what causes it?”
I don’t actually mind the questions… people respond as they do to the size of our family simply because it’s out of the scope of their normal. I’ve been asked every question in this song on youtube (except the daycare one) with a few others thrown in as well.
Twice I have felt shocked (stories below) and only once ever was I genuinely annoyed by someone’s response – and that was because their tone had the capacity to be genuinely hurtful to the kids themselves. That day taught me to be more outgoing in my answers as a way of building the kids up – rather than allowing strangers, time after time, to make remarks that could feel disparaging to the kids who also heard the same things time after time. I wanted to use those times in a way that confirmed to them, our pleasure at their existence.
We often use “the good ~ the bad and ~ the funny” to recap a day or a topic. So, loosly using that framework…
The most genuinely surprised but positive response came from a young, fresh out of uni teacher who I met one evening with the 6 in tow – the youngest then a baby in arms. This teacher nodded as she counted, looked at me asking “are they all yours?” followed immediately by “you are so blessed!” Oh I wanted to hug her!
The worst… well there have been a few. I already mentioned one of them – but it held a good lesson for me so scratch that. Another was a butcher who enquired as to the quantity I was buying and when he heard “7 kids” then shouted (yes actually shouted) over his shoulder to his buddy in the back “Hey Mike -we got ourselves a sex maniac here”. Not cool Bob. Not cool. Another was an old man who… actually I’m not even going to tell you what he said – but it was worse than Bob the butcher and I walked away.
The funniest.
The funniest happened immediately after some surgery. In the recovery room to be precise. I was just coming out of anaesthetic after having my gall bladder removed. Our 6th at that time was just 4 months old and it must have been written on my chart that my baby was going to be brought in for a feed later that day. The nurse tenderly asked if this was my first baby and I groggily replied “no, she’s the 6th” to which she absolutely shrieked and cried “Oh my GOODNESS!!! You must save a FORTUNE in tampons!!!”
THAT nurse took the trophy for memorable responses.
Mostly I love the conversations our family size can generate.
One of the most telling comments came from a mum who (like so many) nodded her head slightly as she counted the kids all walking beside and behind me with a baby in the trolley seat and she said ever so wistfully “they must have all been good sleepers” indicating that –
a) her own were not good sleepers and she was desperately tired and
b) that she could not imagine anyone having so many children if they did not get enough sleep to function. This led to a great conversation, a book recommendation with a phone number for her to order the book, and a lightness in her step as she went away with a glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, her children might sleep too.
Another common comment has been “you must be so patient”. To which, I learned to answer – “Well no… not really. Hopefully I am growing in patience but really I think I’m more determined than patient” – both remarks being still true.
When we were married, Rod wanted two and I wanted four kids. I don’t recal a conversation where Rod changed his mind from 2 – but we ended up with seven.
It took a long time to fall pregnant the first time around. 14 months, temperatures and charts, doctors and tests and one round of Clomid and our first was on the way.
Since it took so long that time, we decided not to do anything to get in the way of a second, so hey presto – the second was born 12 months and 3 weeks after the first.
So we decided to slow things down a bit before the next – but the next one two years later miscarried – so there is nearly 3 years to the third child. Then just under 2 years to the 4th. At this point we’d reached my desired size family but I couldn’t bear for him to be the last so one day when he was only about 2 weeks old I confessed this to Rod whose extremely kind and wise response to his hormonal wife was “let’s decide to decide in 2 years time”.
Well – in two years time I’d forgotten that little pill for 3 days in a row – which was enough, and the 5th was on the way. The 6th was on the way when we discovered the injection had completed its effectiveness so while pregnant with the 6th we decided to shut shop surgically.
Then one day 7 years later, we found it had reversed itself naturally.
So we have 7 children.
6 in ten years and 1 more seven years later.
Girl first, then 3 boys in a row. Then 3 girls in a row.
And a miscarriage in the mix.
What a ride it’s been!
And still is.
I love it.
But just like the homeschooling – I’m not in the business of trying to convice anyone that our preferences should be yours. I’m just explaining how we got where we are – so hang about and read on. 🙂
