“That” woman!

The woman described in Proverbs 31 brings anything and everything between motivation and interest to sighs and groans of loathing. This will depend on the age and season of the woman and her experience of marriage and family – but mainly it will depend on the way she has perceived the passage to have been taught. This little offering of mine is to share some thoughts as I see the chapter in question…

The scene of Proverbs 31 opens with a statement that reveals the woman we’ve come to know as “the Virtuous woman” in fact:

A)  Is not a real person.   She is from an “inspired utterance”.  She’s an ideal.  Or more accurately, the woman portrayed is a composite of wonderful characteristics… of wonderful examples. i.e. She might look like this, or this or this and that together – but not all at once!
Also of note – it is a poem.  An acrostic.  This is lost in the translation to English but was used then as a common teaching tool.

B)  A piece of prose likely taught to King Lemuel by his mother as a small child – maybe 4 or 5 years old.  We’re not certain if this King was Solomon, but if it was, his mother was Bathsheba which means she was a woman who knew pain.  Taken by power and will to bed by the king, her husband murdered, her baby dead at a few days of age – certainly this woman knew pain.  Many of us prayed for our children in the womb, but I suspect none more so than a woman who has already lost a previous infant.  This also seems to fit the possibility/likelihood of this having been Bathsheba so perhaps personalising the speaker and the audience and the potential age of the son – may help us glean more of its intention than our cultural casting of obligation so often carried over from this passage.

C) This poem was not taught by a man to a women.  But by a mother to a young son.  The first part of the preparation leaning toward his eventual kingship, and the second toward both looking for a wife and of being a husband.  The idea of this woman having been Bathsheba means you can see in the opening verses a depth of love, grief, longing and hope that is easily missed without that backdrop.  Hear her heart in verse two “Listen, my son! Listen, son of my womb!  Listen, my son, the answer to my prayers!”

Or paraphrasing…  “Oh my son! Listen!  This matters!  Please listen!  You who are the answer to my prayers!  Listen!”

D) And what about her heart in verse three?!  (Inferred) “Oh my son!  I was that woman!  I was the woman your father took… the one who he committed adultery and murder over in his foolishness… the opposite of wisdom… who reaped such a cost from his behaviour – yet also saw Gods wonderful grace.  Don’t be a fool.  Choose well.  Choose wisely. Don’t repeat the sin of your forefathers – oh my son – learn from them!”

Then a few verses later the poem begins. 

Each of the 22 letters of the Hebrew alphabet are represented here.  Such a little boy – I can picture him folding over his fingers as he recites and learns how he might recognise a woman of great character when he is grown up.

No potential bride is going to be all those things at the outset but good character begins somewhere and the beginnings of wisdom and willingness can be evident from childhood.

And – a great deal is also revealed in these lines about the Proverbs 31 man.

He places his confidence in his wife. 
He sees, recognises and encourages her to use and develop her gifts. 
He recognises her value and does not treat her as a servant or a possession.
He is confident, at peace, un-anxious about her conduct. 
He is at rest toward all that she is. 
He recognises the good she brings their whole household, how hard she works and how great she is at what she does. 
He trusts her in their finances. 
He does not seek to control her or her every move or decision. 
She is free to act and he knows she will do so with wisdom and integrity. 
He sees that she works hard, that she thinks ahead and both appreciates it from his heart, but lets her and others know it. 
He encourages her, praises her, thanks her and is not jealous of the same she receives from others. 
He sees that she is smart and consistent and gives whatever in his power/influence to provide security. 
Their children see the example of their father – they see how he loves her and they too appreciate all she does and is. 
There is no space in his gaze for any other woman. 
Not for comparison or contrast in any regard. 
He recognises that as a couple they are growing older and knows this only increases her depth and  value. 
And – he recognises this is all due to the reverence and fear she has of the Lord – who is the place and person where wisdom begins.

Perhaps that inferred man seems as distant as the described woman.  But if as a woman you read this with the slightest hint of contempt – aren’t you returning judgement, for the same judgement that has hurt you over this passage?

The value of this pair is not as a standard of measure and failure – but as examples of good fruit for the purpose of discernment.

The Virtuous Woman is courageous, kind, savvy. She buys and sells and barters so is no pushover. She deals fairly and makes a profit. She knows how to say “no deal”…. And she is WISE. Considering this is the wrap up of an entire book of the Bible extolling wisdom – this is way more than a passing comment. This woman is not being taken advantage of – not by her husband and not in the marketplace. It might be Providential to have a godly husband but the ability in the marketplace commands respect so is a larger context for the way she goes about her life. All that wisdom is spoken of throughout Proverbs is what fills her mouth and THIS is primarily why we all do well to pay attention to Proverbs 31. She is wisdom in action. This is why wisdom is a life-long endeavour. Its a growing thing.

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You can download my version of Proverbs 31 paraphrased into an English acrostic for the purpose of teaching these characteristics to children overHERE. It will download in two options of colour, and with the notes above. (as originally uploaded prior to some edits!)