Category: Realisations

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Undoing

Once upon a time there was a girl who repented, and determined to never again fail her Lord in the manner of presuming upon His later forgiveness.

Problem was that her white knuckled determination to do the right thing became its own heavy yoke.

She forgot her Jesus wanted to share His strength to her so she soldiered and she soldiered until one day –

– she couldn’t.

And then she saw Him waiting to share. And she let Him.

Now her repentance says something like:

“Oh Lord I’m sorry.
I can’t undo [ – fill in the blank -] and I can’t not need your blood regardless of how I try to put things right, or work at living right.
Whatever you say now… I want to do.
I want to hear you.
My resolutions and determined ways of pleasing you might even have made me miss what you were saying.
My resolutions and determined ways of making sure I didn’t disappoint you were a distraction – and a weight you didn’t mean for me.
Oh Lord, thankyou for waiting.
I want to hear and be where your Life Words are”.

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Switch of perception

It’s only been in the last few weeks that I realised I’ve unconsciously held an negative impression about the yoke that Jesus speaks of in Matthew 11:29.  Even though the language around it is beautiful, my working belief has been more in line with the idea of yoking being something more like shackles… representative of slavery… and as such – I have missed something, that now I see it – feels like a very big deal.

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I am but clay

Not everything that we don’t get right is about sin or pride. Sometimes it’s just that we’re not God. Sometimes it’s that ‘we are but clay’.

There is plenty God can do that we can not.

There is a place of rest to be found when we see the difference.

I am not everywhere at all times with all knowledge, all wisdom and all power.

Not excuse making. Just resting in the process of releasing the reliance on my own understanding – turning my thoughts, my face, my direction – more into relying on His.

This was a VSP 🙂

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Why this blog?

Every January of recent years has seen me having a mini-meltdown – one that most will not see – but under the surface it lurks, popping up for an annual airing.  The thing about these recurrences is that I’ve learned to recognise and anticipate them, see them clearer, make better decisions and ride them out with more understanding.

It goes something like this:

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The Long Sulk

Have you ever tried to bring a toddler out of a tantrum or heavy duty sulk? A tantrum is usually pretty noisy and the sulk follows on – but some personalities head straight for the sulk. The further ‘in’ they are, the more futile an exercise it is to talk them out. They’re too invested and the coaxing ends pretty badly. Either in a frustrated parent or a win for the sulk – both of which can compound over time if it’s a pattern.

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Spiritual Confetti

Hopping into Rod’s lovely new V6 Commodore after the 42 degree day of our wedding in 1986 – pre air-conditioning being the usual thing – meant we were seriously happy in the expectation of the marvel of instant cool air about to greet us. All the photos show shiny faces, slicks down the centre backs of all the guys suit coats and a heightened glow that had more to do with the temperature than anything else.

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