I’d gotten myself into a lather over the last few weeks about a decision I needed to make. I felt equally torn for and against it, tried to think of pros and cons either way, talked to Rod, talked to friends, considered counselling, googled articles about decision making, lost sleep, developed 3 (yes THREE) tiny twitches in my face, worried my socks off and finally saw I needed to decline.
I read such a simple article that said, when we have to make an important decision, to make sure that the most important things STAY the most important things. So simple, I felt so dumb needing to hear it. But I did.
And then another article that suggested thinking what life would look like in a years time in either direction, and that was when I saw the choice I needed to make clearly.
But still I quaked over letting someone down.
So I vacillate through a whole “yes-no-yes-no” thing that stays in motion until I picked up the phone. Once. Twice.
And for the second time they are not available.
“Phew!” – thinks I. Email it is!
So I dilly and dally over the wording of my email while slightly panicking to get it sent before they return my call.
Then I dilly and dally over the moment where I have to hit the send button. And finally I do it.
Lightness.
But a leeeeetle bit anxious about the potential response.
It comes in. I see “Dear Heather, thankyou for your email, that is totally fine…”
FINE!
It’s FINE!
t really IS FINE.
I haven’t made them mad. They even said “chat soon” and wanted my ongoing input!
Three weeks and corresponding facial ticks to boot.
Crazy am I.
Relieved am I.
How often we let things build and build beyond reason and proportion.
I know I’m not the only one.
So often the build up to a decision is so much more agonising than the carriage of it.
So glad my face is resting tonight.