This is a bit of a cheats post I suppose. Instead of stories, examples or home-grown parables I’m just posting a list of questions and a couple of Scriptures to help parents of teens/young adults discern when to speak and when to keep silent in their young people’s lives.
Obviously there’s a great deal of difference between situations – and not all these questions are applicable to all scenarios, but maybe something will click and be of help…. a 12 year old, or a 22 year old living in the parents’ home, a 22 year old whose behaviour/choices are affecting younger siblings, a 22 year old living away from home or a 22 year old that is married.
- Who does this decision belong to?
- Would I speak of this to another adult of the same level relationship who is not my offspring?
- Can our relationship handle it?
- Is it a matter of preference? Physical well-being? Financial risk? On what scale? How much does this matter? Is it a molehill, ant hill or mountain?
- Who will the consequences affect?
- Am I invited to share/speak/advise?
- Is our relational foundation strong?
- What is their competency?
- What’s my hope?
- What’s my motive? (this is not the same question as ‘hope’ above)
- How is it my business?
- Why do I care so much about this thing?
- Am I angry?
- Am I offended?
- If I speak – can I leave it at that?
- Will this set a match to a bridge?
- Do I want them independent or reliant? Where are they in that transfer?
- What example have I been?
- After I speak – then what? Can I support regardless of outcome?
- What’s my tone likely to be and imply?
- Have we transitioned from authority to influence? If not, why not?
- Are there assumptions in play?
- Or expectations?
- Am I just afraid?
Scriptures – read each of these looking for the parental attitudes and actions
- Genesis chapters 1-3
God in the garden
– what were His actions?
– what were His words?
– what did He provide?
– what was His heart toward them throughout? - Luke 15:11-32
The Prodigal father
– what were His actions?
– what were His words?
– what did He provide?
– what was His heart toward his sons throughout?
Knowing when to be still can be as hard as the stillness. Grieving any negative fallout doesn’t mean the stillness was wrong. And just because they might not follow advice or the influence we hope for – does not mean the advice or influence isn’t present.
Are you miffed for you – or concerned for them?
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
Go on – sing along 🙂
May you know the voice of your Shepherd as you His way forward.
Part 1 of the series here