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Anger masking

I see anger as something that can not only be destroying but also as something very motivating… it creates surges of energy… some anger can’t be avoided for sure but underneath that anger lies the real reason and the real reason creates – sometimes, screaming agony. In that agony there is a kind of helplessness -which – we prefer to avoid. We’d rather the energy and momentum of the anger than feel/know/address the true core. Praise God we are not helpless in fact, but we do have to recognise and explore the pain that is there in order to heal.

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Losing my car

I experienced something of a time-warp today.

Have you ever headed out into the carpark in the direction of where you parked your car the LAST time you were there? That’s what I did today, not altogether uncommon for me but the twist to it today was that it was over four years ago that I parked in the spot where I found myself looking for my car.

The place was Pinnaroo Cemetary and I had just been to the memorial service for a wonderful fellow who has been our neighbour for over 22 years.

Doug was the kind of neighbour that everyone needs. Friendly, cheerful, chatty, genuine, gentlemanly and retired. The combination of his nature and the fact he was retired, meant he knew, noticed and cared about the happenings in the surrounding homes. He knew and asked after everyone by name… remembered all the kids ages… and who always went the extra mile.

There was the time we went on holidays and as well as feeding our cats and collecting the mail, he took the bins out on rubbish day (which I hadn’t even thought of) AND WASHED THEM after he brought them in.

There was the time some 7 years ago when I knocked on their door full of emotion at our family happenings and barely got hello out of my mouth before dissolving in tears for his kindly face of enquiry.

There was the time shortly after that when he and his wife Pat came over for morning tea and I heard a little of their life and travels.

Gems.

I love watching couples who have been together a long long time.

They teach without knowing they do.

I’ve never been to a funeral and not wished there had been more time.

Throughout the service it was as though I was existing in another service in the same chapel both that moment AND four years ago. Doug’s service today remembered and celebrated a long life of nearly nine decades – the service four years ago was for a life of only four years. It felt like it had been just last week so real was the overlay of memory.

I’ve never been to a funeral and not wished there had been more time.

Remembering two special people today.
One 88, one 4.
Both Home.

“Lord, make me to know my end and [to appreciate] the measure of my days—what it is; let me know and realize how frail I am [how transient is my stay here]… So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom…”

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The Maker

I’ve never believed that PMS is an excuse for bad behaviour. It might be a reason, but it’s not an excuse. That was easier in the days when it never affected me but these days there’s a couple of times in the month when my tolerance factor drops waaaaaaaaaay down from my fairly placid usual self. I still believe PMS isn’t an excuse for bad behaviour but I’ve discovered that just knowing that, doesn’t give way to automatically behaving well… and even less so, feeling like I WANT to behave well.

Continue reading “The Maker”