I honestly feel as though I need to write to every single person I’ve ever had a conversation with on the topic of parenting and ask them to please please grapple with the question it took me 25 years (+) to ask, and to watch the 26 minute message that opened up the answer which is linked at the end of this post.
So this letter is my start point for that 🙂
Dear Mums and Dads,
At this stage of our parenting journey with the spread of our crew being now aged between 12-29, there are some things I’ve come to see with the benefit of hindsight and perspective. This is partly due to age, partly due to having had a last surprise packet 7 years after we thought we were ‘done’ with a family of 6 kids (the one now 12 🙂 ), partly due to the interactions with the older bunch as they’ve watched the parenting of our last one looking quite different in many respects, partly due to the reflections of the 6 on their own childhoods and of course our own reflections as parents – and for me personally – it comes after several years of truly, deeply, honestly and intently grappling with the question I’d never asked myself before that… “what would true gospel parenting look like?“
Yes our kids learned of Jesus. Yes they learned of His love and life and death and resurrection. Yes I thoughougly lived and believed in being the best example I knew to be, modeling my relationship with God, teaching and training and speaking of all God’s wonders and ways – when we rest and rise and lay down to sleep and sit down to eat and walk on the way and drive in the car and… all of it… but I do see holes, even though there was a great deal of intentionality in our home.
And the biggest hole, was a deep and beautiful understanding and revelation of grace. I realise that in so many ways I “looked to the law to achieve what only grace ever could” (PT) – for myself as much as for our family. Not that our lives were graceless – oh no – and not that we chuck out the law either – no! – but if you watch the message that unlocked the mystery for me, I hope that you’ll be as blessed and filled and confronted and held as I have been from the revelations it brought.
The church I started attending about 5 years ago was a part of the ‘waking’ of this new question in my heart. I’d never seen such a consistent, repeated, continual usage of the word ‘gospel’ as I heard there, and I began to see the meaning of the word opening like a flower to the morning sun, slowly, gently and with great beauty. I saw that it meant so much more than I’d previously grasped. And more recently as I’ve attended Shalom Church that work has continued. I’ve seen the gospel lived and applied and breathing new life into those around me there, and the ache for God to do a deeper work in me got bigger – and beautiful, wonderful Jesus heard my heart. (See this post for background to attending Shalom). There’s a LOT more to my own growth of the last 2 years but I’m trying to stay on track and lead into the video I hope you will watch.
The speaker in this video is someone whose name was familiar, but I’d actually melded him and his brother into the same person – and I’d been steadfastly ignoring the book by his brother for probably two decades. I hadn’t read it, didn’t want to, havn’t yet, don’t know if I will – but I’d been bothered by the way I’d heard so many people speak of it, so I decided it wasn’t for me. Anyway, one day I saw a post by The Gospel Coalition that grabbed my attention as it separated the brothers into the two men that they are AND one of them was expressing concerns over the way his brothers book had been received/used which echoed my own – so I followed the link (which you can read here) and as I read on, I came across the following words and I was 100% hooked.
“Something was missing in the way these parents were interpreting and applying the strategies detailed in the pages of our books. It took me a while to figure out what was off. Then it hit me: the missing piece was the gospel. It sounds obvious, almost cliché, but it’s more significant in our lives than we realize” (PT) .
Off to Youtube went I, typed in his name with the word ‘gospel’ and the link that follows was the first of his that I watched.
It undid me. (Well God did)
And He put me back together changed.
This message brought answers, sorrow and repentance, understanding, tears (many many tears) HOPE and joy and a deeper revelation of Jesus enormous love for me…
I have listened to more of Paul Tripps stuff since this, and his book looks wonderful too – but I want this work of God to go deep. Deep. Deep. Deep. So for the first time in my life I’m not chasing as much information as I can lay my hands on, I’m taking it a bit at a time, reading my Bible and praying with new eyes and letting it soak. I’ve re-watched this several times and it has a similar effect each time. Answers that were always there. Hope that was always there. Love that was always there. He has it covered – for reals!!
If I could start over – there’s a great deal I’d do the same but different – that is, with the gospel as something much bigger and more ‘now’ than I knew it to be – then.
So.
There’s my preamble… my plea… my invitation.
Please watch this. No matter WHERE you are in the parenting journey – please check it out. It’s 26 minutes that might unlock something for you too.
Please let me know how it ministers to you. In the comments below – on Facebook – by email. I’d LOVE to hear from you.
Grace and peace and love and hope,
Heather
Settle the kids in another room, or watch after they go to bed tonight (don’t forget!), get a cuppa and The Other Half if they will, and click the image below.
Thanks for sharing this. I am always blown away how a simple sharing of how I struggle too and apologising for any wrong i have done can take the winds out of the sails of the biggest temper. Then I wonder why I don’t go for the gentle/gracious approach more often. It is great to be reminded that Jesus alone has the power to change both me and my kids. As Marilyn Howshall says. “As God parents you, parent your children” As I plan our learning for this year I am very aware that the mindset with which I face each day – resting in Jesus- and being his ambassador to the precious lives in my care – will make a huge difference to our days no matter what plans I make. Thanks for taking the time to share your heart.
Thanks Tanya. There was so much in this that spoke directly into my heart at this point in time. I wonder how well I could have ‘heard’ it previous to now. Like resting makes so much more impact and sense after having been exhausted. Bless your year Tanya – you are courageous and He is close. <3
Gods timing never ceases to amaze me. This video speaks so strongly into where I am at in my journey as a Christian parent. As my Parkinson’s symptoms continue to develop I have noticed the impact this is having on my relationships. God has been especially revealing this to me in my relationship with my children. Parkinson’s impacts me not only physically but also mentally and emotionally. This inturn has a profound impact on my ability to communicate and relate to people including my childrsn. I am losing the ability to parent effectively and have definately not been revealing God’s grace and love in my handling of my children’s needs. Over the years working as a children’s and family pastor and a school chaplain, I have done a fair amount of study and completed quite a few training courses on child development and parenting. Parkinson’s is preventing me from accessing and utilising a lot of that knowledge both mentally and emotionally. In recent times as I have recognised that I have been handling my children’s need very pooly I have been trying to access the wealth of knowledge and training I once had with very limited success. I have been questing more than ever what example I am setting for my children. Who or what am I modelling. This has led me to some very earnest pray time with God. God has reminded me in these times that my inability to remember and access all the reading and training I have done over the years doesn’t matter. God began preparing me for pastoring, chaplaincy and parenting a long time ago, even before Bible college. God gave me the ability to love and that is something more valuable and more important than any training I have ever done. In my current devotion time I have been exploring the fruits of the Spirit and what that means for me as a parent and within that, what that means for my children. Paul’s use of the word ambassador really resonates with me. What I want to be for my children is the best role model I can be and the best role model I can be is to be an ambassador for God. An important criteria and fundamental foundation for that job is love. If I can only show my children one thing it would be how to love others with the same love that God has for them.
What a difficult road Darrell. At a very small level I relate as there was a significant trauma years ago where afterwards I knew that stuff I used to know had gone. It wasn’t even as though it was behind a locked door I just needed to find a key for – it just wasn’t there anymore and I had no choice but to roll with it. Praise Him praise Him praise HIM that He’s with us as we learn to roll differently… and sometimes even find this brings us so much depth and new experience of His presence… I pray that continues to be true for you too. Thankyou and bless you for sharing. This life is a white knuckle ride hey!
And also yes – His timing is impeccable. That was also my experience. Oh to represent Him well!
Grace and peace over you and yours Darrell.
Heather