I once met a mum I knew at the shops whose teenage son was wearing a T shirt with an image I’d have liked to paint ball. My brain went into meltdown and I hurried my little people by as quickly as I could.
I once noticed a mother and daughter out shopping together with the teen daughter fully looking the part of a 1970’s B grade police drama hooker. My heart judged that mother to Kingdom Come and back again whilst being glad my own little people weren’t with me.
I once shared space with a mum whose approx 15 yo daughter was about 6 months pregnant. The space we shared was at dance lessons which included her younger daughters and mine – and I found myself wondering what was wrong with this woman that she could appear so normal… so unaffected… so OK with her daughter’s pregnancy?
And then I found myself in a scenario where I feared and expected my own above reactions reflected back at me.
I learned that sometimes walking beside a child of your own is hard… but what matters is that you DO IT.
I learned that none of the three mothers above – owed me – or anybody else, the slighted scrap of an explanation. There was no obligation to tell me if their hearts were breaking, or totally OK with the scenarios in their faces. I was nothing to them – with nothing more than a few moments of shared air.
I learned that I didn’t deserve an opinion on the parenting image I assumed so much into.
I learned that I knew NOTHING about those other households.
I learned the value of Living Words instead of retrospective words.
I learned that there is only forwards.
I learned that there is no reset button based on the merit of anyone’s “should haves”.
No reset button – period!
Forwards.
Only.
What really mattered is that they each were beside their child.
If you’ve got a child you’re finding hard to be beside – block out the peripherals and *do it. Keep that love bridge open.
I once saw a facebook profile picture of a mum friend and her beautiful teen with externals I once would have judged – I wept with the love I saw between them – and I thanked God that they were tracking together.
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PS * And do get some help.