Mozzies love me. They land so lightly I mostly don’t know they’re beginning to sting until it’s too late but you can be sure that as un-co and reflex slow as I am, if I see it – I’m going to squish it or at least swat it away.
A couple of weeks ago I said the most awful thing I’ve ever said to anyone in my entire life. I sat, actually stunned, by the foulness of and contempt within my very own words. More about that later.
We’ve all had discussions where we’ve said things like “part of me thinks this – and part of me thinks that” and a good portion of the time those parts of ourselves are at odds with each other.
I also recon that while most, if not all, have a little voice from deep inside that sneers or shouts things like “you’re pathetic, you’re stupid, you’re ugly” we also have a voice of indignation and ‘me-firstness’. Both foul. Both at odds. One to inflate, one to deflate .
And most of us have seen cartoon images of shoulder angels – a little dude in white with a halo saying the right thing to do and another little dude in a red suit with pitchfork suggesting the wrong but frequently surfacey more obviously fun/easy thing to do.
If you read what I write regularly you’ll already know I’ve been
thinking about the various parts of the self – there are various ways we delineate.
* Spirit/soul/body
* Heart/soul/mind/strength.
…and so it seems to me that the shoulder angels and the parts of ourselves
that think in opposition to each other are just a few among an entire crowd.
I see there to often be disparity:
– WITHIN areas of ourselves – such as the mind when we’re trying to decide on a course of action. From the same mind, we can want opposing things.
– and BETWEEN the parts of ourselves. An easy way to observe this is when a child experiences a growth spurt and their mind/reflexes haven’t adjusted to the speed of change in their body and their movements become clumsy for a time, tripping, bumping their head etc until one catches up with the other. Or, as with aging and illness, a sense of surprise or betrayal as our spirit reacts to the new infiltrator of inability or frailty.
And then – enter God’s Spirit when we come to life in Him. Another internal element that is frequently at odds with our old way of life – our modes of thought – the desires of our flesh or our soul – yet present to point and show the difference between our minds and His, our ways and His, our desires and His, and there to enable and guide us into becoming more like Him. To be renewed. To have His word reshape our lives from the INside.
So many voices!
Similarly, it is sometimes difficult to distinguish the difference between conviction and condemnation. Conviction comes with light, direction, purpose, clarity. Condemnation is dark and heavy. Ambiguous. Crushing. Defeating. When God brings conviction – there is a way forward – it is for our good. And if what we experience sounds like condemnation – it ISN’T Him – it is to our detriment. (Of course that gets complicated when we live in conviction for a long time when our desires want to keep us right where we are but that’s another story).
It mightn’t surprise you to know that I sometimes get bogged down in detail. But the fact is, I can’t progress in that area until I’ve been dug out.
As a Christian, it’s a fact that I believe in the existence of the devil-Satan-Lucifer. (And of evil spirits). It’s OK if you read this and think me a nutter – just factor in your own nuttiness please. You believe in ghosts? Clairvoyancy? Readings? So hold your horses. 🙂
Satan has a bunch of names that indicate parts of his story and nature. He is not an equal opposite entity to God, he is vastly lesser, yet still with power and authority for a certain defined time. Some of his more revealing names are:
– The Deceiver
– The Accuser
– The Destroyer
– The Father of Lies
– The Evil One
… These names are so because they are descriptors of his character, aims and abilities.
Now the way in which I’ve been bogged down, (one of) is in trying to figure out whether some of the competing voices in my head are whispers from my enemy whose character descriptors ARE his names – or if they are simply the result of his ‘achievement’ in Eden.
So anyway. Back to the foulest thing I’ve ever said which I mentioned at the start.
I got up for the loo about 2 in the morning and barely awake, slipping on my slippers, having gone to sleep in peace and contentment – TOTALLY unbidden, came the words I’m not repeating, addressed TO MYSELF. Crushing, pure, uninhibited, unfiltered, cruel condemnation.
Now you know how you can think a bunch of things in just a few seconds? Well as I sat there stunned, a process took place inside me that lasted just a few seconds but which has changed me radically.
It went like this:
1. Where did THAT come from?
2. I’ve never spoken to anyone in my life like that!
3. No one ELSE has ever spoken to me like that before!!!
4. I pictured the damage of a parent speaking to a child that way and then…
5. Knew that I knew that I KNEW one simple thing – that regardless of the defined origin of those words – whether my own psyche – or a whisper from my enemy who seeks to destroy – IT WAS NOT MY FATHER! It was not GOD! He would never ever ever address anyone in that fashion and therefore it was not worthy of any attention at all!
6. I got up from the side of the bed feeling joyful of a breakthrough. No more bogged downness. No more figuring out. No more deflation of my soul. No more wondering if I’m under ‘attack’. Who cares! I flicked off those words like a piece of lint. They had no impact on me whatsoever other than to be a moment of newfound freedom.
Now I’ve heard in the past that when those negative voices speak, we should counter it with words from the Father (God), but I actually think it’s simpler than that.
We don’t need to engage.
We don’t need to dwell.
We don’t need to be crushed.
We don’t need to believe them.
We don’t need to entertain them or speak to them in any way, shape or form.
We simply need to know if it’s not God’s words and flick them off.
Just squish ’em like a mozzie.
And keep on swatting if you miss or others return.