Have you ever made a vow? I’m not talking wedding vows, or “I solemnly declare to tell the truth” type vows – I’m speaking of inner vows.
I remember making one as a young child… it was one I kept and which had life shaping effects – as they mostly will. These inner vows aren’t usually recognised as being what they are at the time, but with retrospect and possible resultant harm we can trace a pattern of choices back to a moment in time when our strength of feeling was so intense a deep internal decision was reached.
My own vow at age 6 began with the words “I will NEVER…” and I did not. In the making of that childhood resolution I had no understanding of the wider context I was reacting to… I cut myself off from relationship, influence and advice… and I made myself accountable to myself only which is dangerous at any age. That inner vow resulted in choices which had outcomes which led to other choices and outcomes – which is what I mean by saying ‘life-shaping’ earlier on.
Along with “I will never…” some inner vows might begin with “I will…”, “I must…”, “I need…” It would be interesting to know if anyone’s inner vows begin with anything other than “I”.
Recognising where inner vows have been at work in our lives is helpful when we are tracing the ways in which our lives developed. While others may not have always done right by us, sometimes it is our own responses that do the harm, or add to the harm.
Of course not all inner vows are detrimental but that’s a topic for another day.
Can you trace moments of decision that you need to let go of? Watch for moments in your coming days where an inner wall appears… is that wall a healthy limit? – or might it come from an old resolve that is doing harm? Are you protecting something? Punishing someone – including yourself?
Just watch for it… Is it time to get unlocked?
